Obscure Reality Of My Life (Episode : 13)

The final truth came out…

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Sitting there and listening to her struggle had eased my anger by now. But my curiosity was yet to be quenched; I posed another question “So you exchanged your freedom with me?”

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“Yes I had planned it that way. But things didn’t turn out according to what I had thought to be. That day I walked out with the packet he had handed to me, with a dream of a clean and peaceful life, not knowing what awaited for me. As I stepped out of the slum Rahim’s men kidnapped me and took me to another brothel. So I was back to the same shit, only thing new was the place and set of people around me.”

“How did you manage to get out?”

“I would say my luck helped me, it was my health that helped me out of that inferno. Diagnoses of Hepatitis scared the owner there and I could easily walk out….of course I managed to get rid of the blessed disease. That is when I came to know that I was two months pregnant. I came here to start a new life with Rea. Now I have a reason to live for. ”

She was the victim to my creator, and that put me in the dilemma whether to hate her or pity her, thought I had not wronged her but my predecessor had. I didn’t blame her in taking pleasure in hurting me, as I felt the same way when new girls had to go through the suffering that I had to. I watched her silently.

Breaking the silence she spoke up “Rita whatever brought you here, I don’t want to know, but I suggest you don’t go back dear. Stay with us; we can live a better life together.”

I did not speak

“Don’t go back Rita” she spoke again looking at me.

“I want to meet my parents…can you take me there?”

She gave me a baffled look.

Reading her look I made my point. “I know you are confused, Now that I have all the answers I want to meet them, at least once, may be for the last time.”

She looked at me with her brows furrowed and spoke “I don’t know whether he still live there or not, but I can take you to that place.”

To conceal my identity from Rahim’s men she disguised me as a male and smuggled me out of that place. And on the fourth day we reached my destination; the place I was born. I was thrilled with the thought to see my parents for the first time, yet nervous thinking on how would they react. But Melissa was neither thrilled nor excited she was rather haunted by her grisly past which did not allow her to go back to the place that had ravaged her childhood.

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I stood before his house; the same house where I was supposed to grow in, but fate didn’t agree to it. Giving me no time to reflect upon my ‘would have been life’, I saw a young boy of around fourteen years of age coming outof the house, grabbed his bike and rode off, without noticing me behind the tree. This young lad had a face that was not new to me, a face that resembles someone, someone I couldn’t recall but gave me a chill. As my sight shifted back to the house the man of the house was out, sat reading with his face buried into the newspaper.

“Dad” a drop of despair trickled down my cheek. My excitement redoubled to see him there. The next moment when he unleashed the paper before him to take a sip from his cup, and the face that unveiled before me made my head spin and a frisson of disgust smothered me.

A silent prayer came from me “Oh God, Not this man, please God…. not this man. He can’t be my father” I felt a hand over my shoulder. I was relieved to see Melissa, who fought her fear and kicking back her agony came over for me. She confirmed “he is your father.” I clenched to her and broke down. Never before had she seen me this way, I was shivering in my ice cold my body and my heart was heavily throbbing in my chest. I cried out “No, Not him, he can’t be my father.”

 

That face sheared through my soul, taking me back to the night, eight years back when he was groaning with pleasure and I was floundering to get away from his grip. The infinite agony of that night came back to my mind.

 

We both walked in silence.

 

 

Obscure Reality Of My Life (Episode:12)

She unlocked the door that led us to a well kept, neat room. With her daughter left at her friends place next door and just me and her in the room, my thoughts took a quick look back to the days when we were together and comparing that room to this one, this one had love, hope and life which I never felt in ours.

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“I was never a part of you. Was I?” I asked looking around.

Her blunt “No” for an answer did hurt me; I was hit by the realization that I was nothing for her when she was all that I had when she was the world to me.

I asked again “Who am I? Where did you pick me up from and why?”

This time she turned around and the pair of eyes I saw was different, they had strange expression in them. Not believing my sight I gave a further look I then saw the regret in them. She looked old and tired. With a feeble tone she spoke, “I know Rita, life has been very unfair to you.” Looking in to my eyes, she corrected herself “I have not been fair to you. But my life too never gave me a smooth childhood, I now don’t blame you for that…but yes, two decades back I did. I believed that you were the cause of my distress. I don’t know what made me thinks so and hurting you made me feel better. But no matter how rude I was I never saw the hatred for me in your eyes. They always had love…immense love for me…and I hated you more.”

“I know all my excuses, reasoning and sorry will never get you back your lost life. But I hope answering your questions might help me repent for whatever I have done to your life.”

I was seated with all ears to her when she began in a quivering tone again.

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“It was the day My Rea was born, when I held in for the first time, I saw you in her. I remembered holding you in my arms the day you entered the house with your mother. I wept holding her, but the cry was not for her it was for you, for whatever I had done to you. I wanted to go out searching for you but, that risked the life of my new born too and I didn’t want to lose her.” A drop trickled down to the floor.

“I was barely twelve when my chacha(uncle) took me with him after my mother died in an accident at her work,” Looked at me and said “ she worked in a construction site, both my parents worked in construction site. And my father couldn’t wait even for a year in hooking up with a new woman. He brought her home as my new mother. And she hated me for being my mother’s daughter. Seeing this my uncle, my father’s younger brother took me with him. I thought going with him might help me get a new and a better life. But no, taking me with him had his own motif.  I was a maid there, cooking, washing and cleaning. But I was happy as I was not nagged and beaten up without reason, they way I was back at my father’s place. Until that night when he ordered for a cup of tea after dinner when I was almost done with my kitchen chores and making my bed. Since past three months he used to walk straight to his room locked it behind him after dinner, never once had he asked for anything after dinner. Placing the cup on the table I turned to leave the room, all of a sudden he caught me by my hand and pulled me towards him. I didn’t know what was happening. Soon his hands were touching all over me. He pulled off my clothes…I cried “No..No…don’t …what are you doing? Chacha…” but he was not ready to listen to my say… “Shhhh!! shhhhh!! Quiet! Quiet! Trust me you will like it” was what he kept saying. And he was all over me, I cried in pain, but my voice could not reach anywhere, as my mouth was stuffed with my own dupatta. Still I cried, but he  didn’t stop.

I lay there staring the ceiling lifeless when he rolled over and started snoring; I was not able to believe what just happened to me. After slowly picked all my cloths and limped my way out. This was the first time, but not the last, this happened almost every night. I feared going to his room. He would come to mine and…” wiped off her eyes.

Her narration took me back to that night when that beast was forcing himself upon me despite my cry and begging. And I could see she too was going through the same pain again. So many years, yet the wound never seemed to heal….

“When I turned seventeen he came home with a wife. I was happy that day, not for him but for me, thinking now this will not happen again. But I was wrong he came to me every time his wife was not around.

But One day when his wife had gone to her mother’s place for delivery he came home with few friends. That night I was raped by them all.

And you came and when I saw him entering home with  you. I hated you Rita…I hated to see him play with you. He was  the best father to you. But for me he was still the same monster, who still came to me when your mother was not around. I finally  went to his wife with the truth, but she did not believe me. I lost there too, they were planning to get rid of me. But before they could I thought to leave.

Next morning with the sun still  hidden, I sneaked into their room…grabbed whatever cash in his purse. I heard you squeak and I picked you up and left that. It was not the love that made me bring you along it was the hatred and revenge that made me bring you along. I want to give the same pain to you what you dad had made to go through…” Shaking her head she spoke. “I took a bus, I didn’t know where; unless I reached Delhi…where I met Rahim  and he took me with him… Since then I am with him…”

“Rita, your face reminded me of your father and that never allowed me to love you.”

The room was filled with silence, with both staring on the tiles under our feet. And after a long dragged stillness I asked “who was the man the day in that house? was he my father?”

“No, he was my client who I thought was in love with me but no, again it was you he was after he wanted to sell you to some brothel. Here too he came to me for you not for love…that day I decided to hand you over to Rahim.”

 

Obscure Reality Of My life (Episode : 11)

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I saw her walk towards the exit, exactly to the door where I stood, immovable staring at her. But she was too busy to notice me. She walked past me and my eyes not willing to let her go followed her.

But something made her stop and after a few immovable seconds she looked around. She turned pale when she saw me standing there and staring back at her. Her eyes went wide and her expression said it all, my presence there was no less than her most dreaded nightmare walking alive towards her.  But, within no time she collected herself, controlling over her expressions and her fear she turned around and began walking, as if nothing had happened. But this time her walk was stiff and a little paced up.

I was left alone again, watch her walk away. On reflecting over her reaction, it left me with a smile; my presence did force her into tears. I followed her, I don’t know what made me do that, but I walked after her until she took a sharp turn into a lone lane and suddenly turning around asked “Why are you here?” Not a word came out of me; I didn’t know what to say. All I did was keep looking at her in all tears.

“Listen, for whatever reason you are here, stop coming after me.” She was speaking to me in the same old tone.

“Mumma who is she?” her daughter’s question softened her a bit.

“You have a daughter?” Looking at her little girl I asked.

Holding her tight, she replied “Why are you here?”

She was never this protective towards me…she never held me this way. To watch her being this possessive to her precious one, did hurt me.

“You are raising her well…” eyeing her kid from tip to toe, I said “so that you could sent her to the same place where you have sent me to… huh…?” I extended my hands to reach her cheek. She instantly pulled her away and shouted “Stay away from her, she is my daughter and she is going nowhere”

I shouted back “didn’t I belong to you too? Wasn’t you supposed to protect me this way too. We had only each other, mom! And I believed you would never hurt me, never leave me. But you did. Do you even realize what all I had to go through?” she stood there numb. Looking at her daughter again I said “and that’s what you’re going to do to her right? Where did you pick her from? Does she know that you are not her mother?”

“She is mine, she is born from me.” She yelled at me.

“And I was not?” I waited for her reply, but there was none. “Who was I born from? Who are my parents? We both know that I was not meant to be where you have pushed me into.”

My words did attract few pair of eyes walking by, and this made her lower her tone. “Listen, I don’t want any drama created here.”

I shouted back loud “Drama?”But her scared daughter clinging to her forced me stop.

I noticed that the lady standing before me was not the same Mellissa I knew as my “MOM”. She was now a devoted and caring mother, I never got.

“You are out of that hell, aren’t you? You have a family now?” I did not want yes for an answer, but it was a yes from her. She remained quiet but her eyes did the answering. “You pushed me into it in exchange of your freedom?” to which she promptly answered shaking her head… “No…it is not like that”

“Then what is it MOM? And why is it? Why did you leave me there? I have so many unanswered questions. And today I am not going to leave without my answer to every single question. I want to know who I am. I know that I am not born from you. Rahim told me all. Please help me; please tell me who my mother is? Please I cannot live like this; I know you are the only one here with the answer to all my questions. Please help me!!!” My frustration, my anger, my helplessness all rolled down my cheeks.

Finally my pleading seem to melt her. I could see her trying her best to hold  her tears back. She turned around and walked without a word, and I followed her…….

A Cheat That Wasn’t!!

It was the touch I craved for, the kiss I pined for….

 

Grooving to the music I loved,

alone in the room engulfed with darkness.

With my eyes shut I was enjoying every bit of “Me Time.”

 

When a stranger’s touch hemming around my waist startled me.

An exotic touch it was, never felt before,

the touch my body craved for, soft yet so strong

too enticing to let go. I chose to keep my eyes shut.

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along with me he grooved.

Matching our steps, together we danced.

Slowly my hands went around his neck.

With his hands around my waist, he pulled me closer.

So close, I could feel his warm breath crawl all over my face.

And together we danced.

Gently he placed his lips on mine,

I couldn’t oppose, as it was the kiss I pined for.

And together we danced.

Slowly he led me to the bed

still holding me and our lips still locked.

 

I knew time was slipping off,

as I could hear tiny footsteps climbing the stairs.

I clung to him; didn’t want to let him go.

I wished the time stopped,

so that I could get a little more of him.

 

 

Then came a loud cry “Mumma!!!”

the door flung open and my kids barged in.

The click of the switch lit the room, forcing my eyes open.

With the darkness gone, I was left alone smiling at myself.

Obscure Reality Of My Life (Episode: 10)

After five hours in train, I finally got to my destination and there I was welcomed by Rahim’s man who took me to the hotel where I was to spend a night. But on reaching there, I was received by a message, asking me to wait till the evening.

 

Alone in the new place did not make me nervous nor was I afraid but a sudden sense of freedom hit me. It was for the first time there was no Melissa and no Rahim tagged along me. Now, I was there all by myself, I could decide what to do next.

This realization was followed by the thought that, all I had was these five to six hours freedom for me. When I could walk where I wanted to, see what I wanted to and do what I wanted to. I could be a normal girl living a normal life.

I got up and walked out of the room, got into a cab left the hotel unnoticed. And yes I thanked god for giving me the guts to let go the Rahim’s man from the hotel gate, because if he was around me to read the clients wait message, this freedom would never be experienced by me. I walked down town the market confident and free, exploring the entire place, bought whatever I felt like. Everything of my choice, with no one to instruct me, I did what my heart told me to.

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My wandering and scrutinizing was put to halt before a toy shop which was at the other side of the road, where a little girl hardly of three to four year came out holding a pink doll. The doll in her hand resembled the one I longed for as a kid.

 

 “Mom, could you please get me a doll, the pink one in the shop across the road?”

I don’t know how I managed to voice my desire before her but I did. Shaking I waited for her responss. But she not bother replying me, slamming the door she left. That left me standing by the window staring at the doll in the shop across the road.

Walked across the road and when I was almost there I heard a voice coming from the shop “Rea, Rea come here child, you should never run like this alone, it is not  safe for kids to walk around alone come here hold my hand.” It was the mother calling her little girl. She ran back to her mother. A lady bending to her little princess kissed her. I was moved to tears to see such love between a mother and a child, the love I always longed for all my life. Again the mother spoke “Don’t ask for dolls now I have brought you one.” This time the voice fell clear and distinct into my ears, and as it did, it shook my soul….I knew this voice, I had heard it earlier, many times.

“Take this…” throwing a packet to me the same voice had once said to me “ now don’t ask for any more dolls.”  That night she did bring a doll but not the one I had asked for it was a small one. I was happy it as she could sleep with me with her eyes shut at night and I had someone to accompany me. But, I did once in a while look out of the window just to make sure the pink doll was still there.

I looked back there I saw her standing after showering her love to the girl.

“MOM!” I whispered. I had hated her for so long, but when she came before me ‘mom’ was what I called her.

She was as pretty as ever and looked much younger then last I saw her, when she had left me with Rahim asking me to wait but never returned. She was with all smiles here,  smiles which was never seen when we were together.

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“Mumma, can I have a chocolate?” the little girl spoke again.

“Yes sweet heart, but not more than one.”

“She has a daughter?” I looked down at the girl, and this time I saw something I had failed to notice earlier. She had the same eyes, the same smile as my mom….Melissa….

 

I looked up into the eyes watching her daughter, they bore immense love for her little one which was never there for me. Her voice had the care that was never there when she spoke to me, and her touch had the warmth and love which I never felt…….

Obscure Reality Of My Life (Episode :9)

 I took off alone, knowing not what the place had in store for me….

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I was into this world since eight long years, sleeping with men and giving them the momentary pleasure was how I earned my survival.  In these many years I have come across men of all kinds and slept with them in all kinds’ room but never have been able to erase away that horrible night with the putrid smell of that room still lingering in me. Every corner of that room, every inch of that bed and every bit of that monster crushing me all night, was all fresh in me. So many years and still every new client and every new work night made me nervous. The fear of going through the same agony often left me nauseated. But time had left me with no option than to master in hiding my fear, and keep doing what I was told to.

Now this was my work, and being a part of it I understood how things worked. Here Girls were brought from everywhere, of every age. But everyone had different reasons of their entry. Some willingly walked in, some were bought from their family, some had a poverty pushing them into this and some kidnapped. These girls had to go through the same hell I was made to undergo. What I went through was the process to push us deep into this, leaving us no way out of it. First was the photo session, where we get us clicked all semi nudes and put the best of them on the internet, the fastest and the widest way to increase the number of client. Every quarterly we would be clicked to update the internet, to allure more cash to walk in their pocket.

Every new Girl’s entry to this world gave me immense pleasure, the thought of them going through the same pain I had lived, game me strength to survive here. I believed “Why only me? Why not every girl of my age to go through what I was made to?” I  have watched may girls holding their dress with sweaty palms and walk after me into this world of torment and pain, and this gave me a feeling of satisfaction.

Now my days of struggle was over, I was now given to choose my own customer and mostly had few fixed businessmen as my clients. My work also gave me clients from the Adjacent cities. “You have left Melissa far behind dear, the decision of getting you into this line was one of the best idea coming from your mother.” I often heard Rahim say this. All thanks to Internet for giving me a wide spread market. But deep in me, I knew this was not the place I was supposed to be. If only I had not met Melissa I would have never been here.  I often wondered where she was now. Is she still into this profession? Or did she manage to get out of this shit?

It was one such trip to Chandigarh with my regular client, brought a quirky twist to my tale and altered my entire notion on life…on my life. Giving answer to all my questions that was left unanswered eight years back, clearing the obscurity of my life, unraveling the entire truth before me.

I was to make this trip to the client alone. If it was not for the new girl that he was after since long , Rahim would have never let me go alone. And one thing I could assure of, if it was some other girl, he would have never taken the risk of letting her go alone, fearing that she might find her way out of this hell. But for me, he knew my weakness; he knew I had nowhere to go to and no other place than that room given by him.

I took off alone, knowing not what the place had in store for me….

 

My (New) Dress!!!

“Here sweet heart, I got a (new) dress for you”

My mother’s voice made me run to her.

I slipped in it.

And loved what the mirror reflected,

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I was never tired of flipping through myself in my (new) dress.

I felt beautiful,

I felt confident.

I felt confident as I felt beautiful.

 

That evening I walked out flaunting it happily

To my mom’s work place.

“Look at me it’s my (new) dress”

I wanted to scream on the top of my voice.

Waiting for the door to open I stood before it,

A sudden cold tiny little something crawling on my waist made me turn around

“There is a hole here!!!” A three year old kid’s cry startled me.

It was his cold little finger on my skin through the small TORN part on My (New) Dress.

Pulling it away from him “where?” I searched of it.

It was there, right there stating at me,

Mocking me, laughing at me.

“How did I not see this?”

The door to my mother’s work place opened.

“Hey this is mine, mumma this was my favorite dress”

The daughter of the house screamed with her eyes fixed on my dress.

She dragged me by my dress to her mother.

“Yes it was, but now I gave it to her; I have a new one for you dear.”

My mom stood there helplessly staring at me, holding a mop.

“Wasn’t this my NEW Dress?” I looked at her.

Her eyes said it all.

She lied to me…

I cursed myself for believing her

I cursed myself for believing it to be a new dress.

I cursed myself for believing that broken piece of reflector,

I  had so much trusted on.

It kept away from me what people never fail to notice

It hid from me something that could never have escaped people’s eye.